"It’s 3:30am again. I toss and turn, trying to get comfortable- my bump aching from a reflux acid induced cough I can’t seem to shake - and now I need to use the loo AGAIN- oh the joys of 3rd trimester! Mainly, it’s anxious thinking that keeps me up. How am I going to deal with labour/birth? Will I be able to love my daughter like she needs me to? What if I fail? What if I’m not enough?
And so I watch another video on how to be calm during labour or continue to perfect my list of things to do/buy before baby arrives- but I’m still not at peace. As I call out to Jesus in frustration, the truth from 2 Corinthians 12:9 echoes within me: “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
It’s so simple- yet requires surrender that calls out my pride and self sufficiency. I don’t want to be weak. I want to be super mom and have it altogether! There, I’ve admitted it. And although there may be a good desire in there somewhere, I know it’s not as much about glorifying God as much as it is about self glory- and that won’t bring me peace.
And I AM weak. I look back on my pregnancy and am amazed at what God has done in the midst of weakness - in morning sickness, in hormonal changes that have had me crying over spilled milk and especially as my husband and I anxiously waited to hear our daughter’s heartbeat after having a threatened miscarriage at 13 weeks. Thank God I don’t have to have it altogether! Thank you, Jesus, that you’ve carried me throughout my pregnancy -and that it will be YOU, Lord, that will sustain me through labour, birth and the rest of motherhood- from Grace to Grace in each new moment. And this brings me peace."