Elmy Salloum (Beirut, Lebanon)


“It's been a year... exactly one year... since I had a miscarriage at 3 months.
If you'd asked me a month ago, if I’d be okay, I wouldn't be. If you'd asked me yesterday, I wouldn't be either. Yet today for the first time, I do feel okay, and even reconciled with this chapter.
Today, I am grateful about it in a sincere way, and I can boldly say it took me one year to understand, accept, heal, recover, let go and live in the present with the present.

Throughout this year, I welcomed in a crescendo of all kinds of feelings of loss, emptiness, fear, guilt, lack of confidence, of trust, frustration, bitterness. On top of all that, I fought hourly and daily to stay in the present, specifically with people around me, even more specifically my husband and my two-year-old daughter. I also feel I have blown up that mountain, that mountain of setting time-bound family plans to satisfy my inner security, and my ego.

It is not hope that got me through this, it is not dreams, it is not art; it is the love of the present. To love living in the present with the present people within the love of God. It was not innate, I had to learn it. What was innate is the love of the future, the bright ambitious future, the productive future, the prosperous future, the greedy future.
This love of the present is what can trigger the moving onward, not anything else.
Still it is hard to to do that in a forward-thinking society, still it is worth struggling to be grateful, 'not worried, not upset about many things, and focusing on what matters at the present time’ (Luke 10.41).”