A Yes Like Theirs
It started with my grandparents, who sought the Lord as they fled communist Cuba and suffered through the separation of their family. They rebuilt their life, in a new country, new culture, and centered their family on Christ. They would move again and again, always, following the lead of Christ, always saying ‘yes’. I consider myself very blessed to be one in a long line of men and women who have said ‘yes’ to the Lord.
When I made the decision to move to Scotland, my grandparents were the ones I was most afraid to tell. They had worked so hard to build a life for their family, and I was about to forsake it all for something new, or so I felt.
When I told my grandfather, he responded simply by saying ‘Mary Rose, all we have ever done is move for the Lord. Why would you think your life would be any different?’
How could I forget, my heritage was one of saying ‘yes’ to the Lord.
When I was younger, someone once told me that I should focus on being present and continuing to say ‘yes’ in my current stage in life, not pining away for what, or who, was in my future. This struck me, because most of my ‘adult life’ at that point was being lived at a crazy speed- a fast paced job, more money than I had ever made. I was constantly yearning after whatever was coming next. I wanted to know what was coming, and generally, I wanted it now. I would anxiously say ‘yes’ to the Lord because I was mostly interested in whatever good thing the Lord had next for me.
But that thought stuck with me and I felt a conscious slowing down, a desire to treasure my life more. But even in the midst of that conscious/unconscious decision, I was still relying on MY ability to focus on the present and treasure things and still yearned for all the good things I was sure the Lord had for me- I was still making it about me and what I wanted. I wasn’t truly saying ‘yes’ to the Lord because all I was really interested in was how my ‘yes’ would benefit me.
Fast forward to my current stage of life. Without a doubt, saying ‘yes’ to the Lord in my current stage of life as wife, mother and daughter has been the hardest. I feel I have learned, in the last couple of years, more of what it means to truly say ‘yes’ to the Lord because this ‘yes’ has involved sacrifice, and a lot of it. I have had to make some hard choices, choices that have cost me a lot. And the Lord has required of me not one yes, but a multitude of never ending ‘yes-es’. The most recent ‘yes-es’ seem to be required at all hours of the night as well…making for a new and rather exciting and sanity-stealing kind of sacrifice.
But in spite of the exhaustion and of thinking, ‘Lord, I cannot say yes again, I cannot give up another thing…’, there has been grace and my flailing spirit has been met and carried by Christ himself. When I say flailing, I mean that quite literally. I’ve lost count of the number of moments where I have given in to tears, shouting, anger, frustration, anxiety, and exhaustion and have cried out to the Lord in desperation.
All of the expectations I had of myself as a super wife/mom, or even a good wife/mom, have fallen by the wayside as I’ve realized, humbly, that none of this really has anything to do with my abilities, but has everything to do with my ‘yes’ to Christ and embracing my role as his daughter.
What have I realized? That the point is always God. Often, in the most trying times, it’s a small voice I hear saying ‘will you still praise me now? Will you turn now, to me? Do you trust me?’ And as I say ‘yes’ and acknowledge, each time, his sovereignty, love, patience, and mercy, he has then opened my eyes to the treasures of this stage of my life.
Each time I have had to make a difficult choice and said yes to Christ, a treasure has been given me. The most obvious one is leaving my home for a life here: the cost was extremely high, but look at the family I have been given! I have an amazing husband and the smiliest son in the whole world! I’ve experienced smaller gifts as well- It might be a sign of affection from my son, a great conversation with my husband or a moment of inspiration for my work, or even occasionally a moment of recognizing in myself some kind of growth. But slowly, Christ has been opening my eyes to the joy and grace and…dare I say…fun-ness of this stage of my life.
This is been a welcome relief for me, because as I’ve seen the Lord’s hand at work, bearing the weight of my current responsibilities and daily sacrifice, has become easier and I am encouraged to continue saying ‘yes’ to the Lord.
My hope, ultimately, is that I can live up to the heritage I have been given and that my son will grow up remembering and knowing what it looks like to see his parents, grandparents, and great grandparents say ‘yes’ to the Lord. I pray too that he also be blessed with the opportunity to say a ‘yes’ to the Lord that requires great sacrifice.
By Mary Rose Jordan
For more about Core Team member Mary Rose, see her bio on the "About Us" page.