Call To The Low Place
I am in a season of loss and I am learning what it means to be here, in this place I never imagined I would be. More specifically I am in a season of highs and lows in motherhood - great blessings and great sadness, sometimes one right after the other. A few months ago I was in a high place - a place where joy and trust came easily. Not long after, I came crashing down in confusion and pain. To be honest, my heart is struggling with the spiritual whiplash and my prayers recently have been along the lines of: Why have you called me here God? What are you teaching me in this low place? Here is a little bit of my story and what I’m finding as I linger here:
In a high place
Ever hear the saying, “If you want to make God laugh, show him your plans”? One month after our wedding in 2013, I experienced God’s sense of humor in a great way when my husband and I found out that we were pregnant. According to our plan this was not supposed to happen for a little while, but we were happily surprised by the news and overjoyed when our baby boy was born healthy. I felt very confident in God’s intentions for us during that time.
Jump ahead 6 months; we were relishing everything about our little boy. He had brought our life so much joy. In the midst of this joy I became worried about my health. I began struggling with my blood sugar and wondering if something was wrong. I found out I was really great at making God laugh because there was nothing wrong with me, I was just pregnant again.
At first I was very overwhelmed with the idea of having two babies who would be 15 months apart, but I quickly snapped out of it because I was so excited to add to our family. On July 10th, 2015 we welcomed our sweet little girl into the world.
Life with two little ones was filled with so much delight! Things were pretty crazy, but so good. My heart was full and I felt the Lord pouring an abundance of grace over us to care for these sweet little ones. He was calling me to a high place. A place where I could sit and be with him, feel safe and certain he was near. For his plans were set before me. I knew the path I was on, taking care of my babies was my life and my heart was overjoyed.
As my two babies turned into toddlers and my heart grew bigger and bigger I knew I wanted to extend this love into having more children. And really, truly my first thought was, “How hard could it be?” We got pregnant so fast the first two times. God blessed me with such healthy, uncomplicated pregnancies. Our babies came into the world healthy and thriving...how hard could it be?
In a low place
I was soon pulled down from my high place of trust and confidence in his goodness. As before, we became pregnant very quickly, but early on we found out it would be hard to keep the pregnancy going. My hormones were very low and they were taking a long time to progress to a safe place. I felt like I was crashing down from a place of comfort and peace to a place of desperation and fear. After 14 long and tiring weeks, we found out that our sweet baby went to be with Jesus. In our grief and sorrow we were driven to this passage:
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3: 5-6
Despite the hope that this passage is intended to give me, I was officially in the low place. My heart had never felt so much pain. I could not understand for the life of me how this had happened so fast. My head was spinning and I did not know where to turn or what to do.
By the blessing of God, even in the low place, I had so much support from friends and family. Tragedies like this can tear couples apart. And yet, through the stress and the pain, my husband became a great support and source of comfort. Instead of letting this divide us, we grew closer together as one. Even in my low place my heart was full of love from all the uplifting relationships around me and I saw how loved I was in a new way.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.” Isaiah 43:2
I needed something to hold on to. I needed something to look forward to. I wanted to explore this new place I was in. What did it mean to be in a low place? After a while I did not feel like I could keep despairing. I did not feel the need to cry everyday and I started to come to a place of acceptance. We were ready to move on and move back upward to the high place. Three months later we found out we were pregnant again.
We felt overjoyed, like God had answered our prayers, I felt like I was skyrocketing back to my safe place, my comfortable place, back to the high place. I felt like I could breathe. Everyone around us was so confirming and uplifting, telling us this was it!
Sadly, we did not get to keep that baby either, nor did we get to keep the next baby six months later. We are still in the low place and for a long time I did not understand why God had called us here . One day I came across this verse:
“But when you are invited, go and recline at the last place, so that when the one who has invited you comes, he may say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher’; then you will have honor in the sight of all who are at the table with you.” Luke 14:10
After praying and reflecting on this passage I’ve come to realize that God does not bring us to the low place; He calls us. He invites us, strange as that may sound. This is not a place that is meant for suffering, though you may suffer. It is not a place to build up doubt and distrust in the Lord, although that could happen. Being called to the low place is a time to re-evaluate and find peace but most importantly, to grow in faithfulness. The call to the low place is a call to choose to “recline” and rest in a place you would never have chosen on your own, and to encounter Christ in a way you never would have chosen on your own. It comes with a special honor - the honor of Jesus calling you “friend”, drawing close to you, and promising to both be with you now and one day raise you up, call you to “move up higher”.
I thought losing my babies would crush and destroy me because it felt that way. But I am finding out what it means to be “pressed but not crushed, struck down but not destroyed” (2 Cor 4:8) And the Lord has called me, through my pain, to help and serve others. In my low places, I have learned that I am not alone, I am loved, and most importantly, that Jesus is right there with me, calling me “friend”. When I was riding high in the clouds in my place of peace and comfort, I thought that was the only place He could be. But God cares for us no matter where we are, and He is with us no matter what we are going through. He calls us, at times, to thrive. And he calls us, at times, to survive. I am in full-blown survival mode right now. Although it was never part of my plan to be here, in the low place, it is an alright place to be because Jesus is here.
By Daria Bailey
Daria grew up in the beautiful state of Colorado, but her heart brought her to the Midwest. She is wife to a rockstar Youth Minister, mother to the cutest 4 year old boy, Talon and sassiest 3 year old girl, Gemma. She is also a member of a charismatic community, Heart of The Redeemer Covenant Community in Kansas City, MO. Daria has felt called for some time to help women in their journey with fertility and just became a Fertility Care Practitioner Intern. She loves photography, making up new recipes, and reading any book that could be turned into a romantic comedy.